Logical Geography: The World’s Countries Sorted By Population

I’ve always been a huge geography nerd. One thing I regret is not pursuing the subject whilst at school. I know it’s not all maps and atlases, but I really find the whole spectrum fascinating. As a child, I used to pore over old encyclopaedias and Top Ten of Everythings. I never for one second thought that I would one day be living 6,000 miles away from my tiny island home, but there you are. I guess the world is flatter than we thought.

When I was alerted to this map earlier today, I felt an instant rush of excitement. MAP PORN! Over population is an issue I give some thought to, too. There is said to be no easy solution… but I guess this map blows that theory right out of the water. A bit of initial rigmarole and upheaval should be no barrier.

It’s simple, really:

Move the countries with the most people to the countries that have the biggest land area. Each country is allocated an pre-existent land area depending on how big their population is. Why didn’t we think of that before? You’ve got the likes of Mongolia taking up so much space, when really, they shouldn’t be occupying an area bigger than, oh, Belgium.

It's Earth, Jim, but not as we know it

There may, of course, be some nations that feel they’ve got a raw deal. Setting up shop in desert covered Niger may rankle with the British, who might also find cause for concern in sharing a border with Iran. The Canadians probably won’t be too pleased at the thought of swapping their beautiful, outdoor paradise for earthquake prone Pakistan.

The Italians are likely to object to being shoehorned into sub-Saharan Angola, Japan probably won’t take too kindly to upping sticks for Sudan and I’m not sure the German complexion is designed for the scorching, sandy plains of Saudi Arabia. Likewise, the tropical dwelling Vietnamese will take a while to acclimatize to their new homes in Greenland. But as we’re constantly being told: if we’re to save the planet, sacrifice is a must. We must all take our oil.

For some, the New Deal.2.0 works out quite nicely. The Kazakhs will no doubt be rubbing their hands together with anticipation at the thought of moving to moderate Germany. The Bangladeshis are bound to be delighted at the prospect of moving in next door, to India (who will occupy Canada). Eritrea will be promoted to Switzerland and Ethiopia will cross the Atlantic to Mexico (who they may pass, en route to Algeria).

In the interests of Middle Eastern peace, the solution makes perfect sense, too. As far as I’m aware, Estonia and Luxembourg have had no historical gripes, so their placement in Israel and Palestine respectively shouldn’t pose many problems. The aforementioned absconders will have to make do with Greece and Bosnia. Israel may not be best place about vacating the Promised Land, but the Palestinians are bound to be perfectly delighted with a country of their own, right on the Mediterranean.

Spare a thought for the Koreas. Despite being uprooted from their Oriental place of origin, they will share a border once more, in the shape of South Africa and Botswana. And as for us Irish? Well we’re one of only four countries that stay exactly where we are (along with the USA, Yemen and Brazil). We’d be sure to extend a hearty welcome to Tunisia and Tonga (who’ll move into the Isle of Man). Might boost our bid for next year’s Six Nations, too.

This wonderful map was produced by JPalmz, who is obviously a lot more productive with his free time than me.

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